Number Please

After a friend finally got through on my line, I discovered the reason I had been getting no messages. It seems my voice mail was not working properly. It would not allow her to leave a message.

After a brief conversation, I decided to venture into 'Telephoneland." But I was not going in unarmed. No, Sir! I don't mean with information or documentation or anything like that. When you present them with that all you ever hear is, "We're so sorry that happened. Thank for calling US (instead of some other more competent telephone service) today."

*** Note to self: Is there really such a thing?

When I say armed I mean with all those things to keep you busy while they have you on terminal hold. Let's see... a nice cold Coke, a bag of chips, cigarettes, pen and paper in case there is some vital number that's required for me to jot down, and game site up on the computer screen to alleviate the boredom. Oops, one more trip to the bathroom (it might be a while). And oh my... almost forgot the phone.

There! All settled in all comfy and cozy. Jeez looeez, didn't get the number. Up again now... aha, got it! And now for the phone company's quarterly dose of torture. They can't touch me this time. I'm prepared. Hahaha

I dial. It rings. And the usual happens. "Your call is important to us...." But not important enough for a real live human being to take it. But they "...are busy assisting other customers." Lucky them, their torture is nearly complete.

I light up a cigarette. I may as well enjoy this wait. I'm puffing away and that wonderful computer generated voice is still yakking away, nearly apologetic, if it had any feelings at all.

I reach for the chips. Something has to give me comfort. Oh my God, I love BBQ chips. I'm chomping away when I hear a real voice say, "Could I please have the number you are calling about." At the exact same instant, because I am in absolute shock that I didn't have to wait half an hour, I inhaled a microscopic iota of the chip family and began choking uncontrollably.

The person is asking if I am all right but I can do nothing but choke for that moment in time. My thoughts tell me I must be a brilliant purple by now. And then she says something very comforting. "I'm not going anywhere, I'm right here with you."

I was stunned to say the least. A caring person at the phone company? Wow! But that one sentence seemed to draw me back into some sort of reality. I reached for the soft drink. Maybe I could wash it down. I doubted it, but nevertheless I felt calmer. One very huge last cough would prove to be the expeller of that radical chip fragment, and once again I could breathe.

Within just a couple of minutes I was able to talk and get my point across able to breathe freely once again. "You scared me," she said. I laughed out loud. "It wouldn't have happened if you hadn't scared me to begin with," I kidded her. "I thought I had another 25 minutes before anyone would come on the line." We both laughed a sigh of relief.

My problem was fixed within minutes. And she asked if there was anything else she could help me with today. I assured her... "No, thank you, you've done enough already."