Success or Failure?

Well, it's been a week now. Have you given up on your New Year's resolutions yet?

I haven't begun mine yet. I thought I would try something new this time around. I decided to make a list of things I wanted to accomplish. The catch is this: I add it to the list when the task is done. That way I know that everything on my list is done. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and confidence to move on.

You may think this is cheating. Maybe so. But think about it. It has its value. when was the last time you could tell yourself that everything you had put on your list was completed?

In the short term, I suppose it could be considered unethical. But in the long term, with myriad additions to the list, a real sense of accomplishment can be savored rather than that feeling of dismal failure in not completing one thing.

We won't complete everything we want to do. We won't even attempt some things. The true failure isn't that we do not succeed in attaining our goals. True failure occurs when we just don't try.

For me... I will try many things this year. Stay tuned...

The Eye of God

Having someone you care about express displeasure with your attitude can produce myriad feelings. Perhaps the most disheartening of all is that awkward silence that drifts between the two of you when you're talking. At those times the silence screams for attention begging to be filled with anything other than the void created by the pain which is felt.

Over time it is no longer a matter of who is right or wrong. The focus becomes the quest to fill that space so the emptiness doesn't swallow you alive. Why you feel that way can be a confusing, albeit enlightening, affair.

No one likes to think they are negative, especially negative enough for another person have the need to bring it out into the light. A sense of embarrassment colored by a hint of panic erupts. The fight or flight response kicks in ready for the attack.

Depending on the individuals involved, the conversation can range from looming silences to full blown verbal warfare. I find neither to be of much value. I usually retreat to regroup my thoughts and sort my feelings to find out what the real problem is. It isn't always a pleasant process if I am willing to be honest with myself. It takes some effort and time on my part, but usually I can end up seeing the forest in spite of the trees.

First of all, I have to know deep inside my heart that the other person would not even take the time to express themselves in that manner if they didn't care. People who don't care just go on with their lives mostly unaffected by what other people say or do. It isn't the strangers or acquaintances that cause the real pain. It's those whom you love and care about, those who you have allowed yourself to stand vulnerable in front of, those who you trust that take the time to hold a mirror up to you and say, "Look at yourself. Look at how you seem to the outside world." It is those same people who can hurt you the most if they are unkind and are not compassionate in their assessments.

With that said, and having determined that the other person comes from a point of caring, what is the next step? Or is there a next step? Do we accept the invitation to excel and grow, or do we write it off as just another episode in an already less than perfect life? Do we accept responsibility for our attitude and try to change it, or do we remain stagnant in the status quo?

In a perfect world, we would all "just get along" and say "Thank you for sharing that with me" and move on. But hurt feelings, any feelings for that matter, can get in the way. The mind's playground can be a vicious place to be. The very reason for the conflict, the negativity, can seep in to destroy what little hope we had for expansion. It can usurp the 'feel good' feelings about people caring about us and drive us back to the notion that, indeed, it is about being right or wrong. If we remain in that mode, nothing will ever change.

Becoming positive is relatively simple. Remaining positive is a twenty-four hour job. Despite talking, reading, studying, and meditating about positivity, life can, and will, have its way with you. Unforeseen circumstances will enter our lives and sometimes rob us of what little sanity we have stored up for ourselves. It could last moments, days or in sad cases, years. But whatever the situation, at any given moment, I am sure everyone, no matter who they are, is doing the very best they can.

If I truly believe that, then I can believe that I, too, am doing the best my life allows at this particular point. I can't use someone else's experience to determine my growth. What I CAN do is place myself against my own yardstick and measure the growth I have attained in the last month, year, etc.

I'm not the person I was 20 years ago. It was a different time, a different place. I can't be that person any more. In some ways, I am glad for that. In other ways... oh to be young again!

Life circumstances have dealt me a hand that I thought was a loser for a long time. As long as I believed that, it was true. I don't have to bluff through it either. When it's going nowhere, I fold. There's no shame in that. I anted up and that was enough.

So what's the bottom line here? Is it that I am upset with my friend who held up the mirror? Or is it that I am appalled at what I saw? I think you know the answer to that.

Is it in her eyes that I failed? Or is it in my own?

Or maybe... it is in the Eye of God? In the end, it is all that is important. In the end, it is His mirror that matters most.

My New Year's Prayer

Oh My Dear God....

What a tall order this year! Every year it seems, gets a little harder and harder. I try so hard to keep on the path, to stay in your Light. But each step is so laborious. I know... you never said it would be easy, just worth it. I get so discouraged. You know that. And You also know I'm not the only one. Sometimes I feel like I'm out in the field putting up a barbed wire fence only to discover there is someone right behind me with wire cutters going... Snip! Snip! Snip!

"Plan the plans, not the results," I have been told. Perhaps my disappointment comes from the fact that I expect too much. You gave us the rules. Why do so many do so much dirt and seem to walk away lily-white, while others toil and sweat for scant little only to reap no rewards, no security? No... life isn't fair. It's not supposed to be. But that out of balance? Just seems odd to me.My language has 26 letters. I'd like to ask you for Your help in my New Year's Prayer using them as a guideline. Any help You could offer would be greatly and most heartfully appreciated.


A

Where there is arrogance, apathy and animosity,
Give us acceptance, amity and affection.


B

Where there is betrayal, bitterness and brutality,
Give us bounty, beauty and boldness.


C

Where there is cheating, coldness, and corruption,
Give us calm, caring and courage.


D

Where there is dying, dearth and dread,
Give us determination, diligence and direction.


E

Where there is envy, enslavement and embarrassment,
Give us epiphany, enthusiasm and enlightenment.


F

Where there is futility, friendlessness, and fear,
Give us faith, forgiveness, and fidelity.


G

Where there is godlessness, gossip and guile,
Give us goals, guidance and grace.


H

Where there is hatred, hostility, and hunger,
Give us humility, honesty and hope.


I

Where there is ignorance, isolation and irreverence,
Give us imagination, inspiration and instinct.


J

Where there is jealousy, judgementalism and juvenility,
Give us joy, jubilation, justice and JESUS.


K

Where there is killing, kangaroo courts and kamikazes,
Give us kindredness, keenness and keeper's knees.


L

Where there is lust, lewdness and loneliness,
Give us LOVE, Laughter and Life.


M

Where there is misunderstanding, melancholy and malice,
Give us mission, mercy and manners.


N

Where there is nothing, no one, nowhere to go,
Give us a nobleness, nature and nurturing.


O

Where there is obliqueness, obstinacy and obsession,
Give us objectivity, obedience and opportunity.


P

Where there is perversion, perjury and pride,
Give us purpose, persistence and poise.


Q

Where there are quitters, quizzes and questions,
Give us quenching, quaintness and quiet.


R

Where there is ridicule, rage, and rejection,
Give us righteousness, radiance and refuge.


S

Where there is sickness, stubbornness, and superiority,
Give us solace, serenity and security.


T

Where there is temptation, torture and tears.
Give us tolerance, teachability and thoughtfulness.


U

Where there is upheaval, undermining and usurping,
Give us understanding, unanimity and unshamefulness.


V

Where there is vanity, voraciousness and vengefulness,
Give us veracity, virtue and vision.


W

Where there is worry, wickedness and war,
Give us well-being, wonder and wisdom.


X

Where there is eXclusion, eXploitation and eXile,
Give us eXperience, eXhilaration and eXpression.


Y

Where there's yielding, yearning and yellowing of character,
Give us youthfulness, yes to others, yes to ourselves.


Z

Where there is zip, zilch and zero,
Give us zeal, zen and zest.



Well... there you go, God. Just one more prayer to add to your long list. But truthfully... can we really do this? It just seems so hard. Thank you for another year, God. I'd say it was a breeze, but You know how it was. Maybe 2009 will be a stronger, happier, and more prosperous year.

With You all things are possible. Thank you in advance for the help You provide on a daily basis. You are the source of all my strength and to whose arms I go for rest.


Your Loving Child