Certain people need to be pitied more than censured. Yes, pity. What a lovely word. A word, I might add, that I was 'instructed' to not have for a fellow human being. No worries... I very seldom feel pity for anyone. Sympathy (pity) is in the dictionary between sh*t and syphilis exactly where it belongs.
Empathy (compassion) on the other hand, is a quality I will gladly possess and not be ashamed of for anyone, nor will I be instructed to abandon it, others or myself due to coercion. That pretty much sums up the whole argument herein.
I am writing this to make it public and publishing it to give it an electronic stamp. No more, no less. Just the facts... as Joe Friday would have said. This is to protect myself from further harassment from my landlord.
I take full responsibility for my actions and words. I will not, however, bow down and be manipulated and forced into believing that if I say anything, I will be punished. Those days are long gone.
I was convinced (by the landlord) to come here because an impending trip out of town was leaving the house in the care of a person who was described to me as untrustworthy. And although my rent was paid until the third of next month, I complied. She told me that I would be doing her a favor by helping protect her belongings and I was not required to pay any rent until August 3. She said that would be a fair exchange.
I arrived three weeks ago on July 11. She left that day and returned on July 18. Since the 18th, the situation here has deteriorated into a non-communicative one. I was instructed to NOT send emails. She will not talk to me so I do not know how communication is possible.
My real concern, however, is not one of lack of communication. I am concerned about possible violence. I see circumstances escalating as the landlord tries to bait us with various edicts and nearly forces us to overhear the conversations she has where she slanders our character. Yesterday she extended all that to a point where she is now restricting where we go on the property.
It is a matter of coercion and intimidation. It is a form of psychological and mental abuse that quite frankly I will no longer tolerate, hence this public airing of my 'private dirty laundry.'
The police were called here on July 28th. The other person living here asked me to call. She felt threatened and I complied with her wish to call. The landlord told me if I called, "I would regret it." I made the call anyway because a child is involved. It was the right thing to do. I knew that decision alone would have her force me out. So be it. I will not compromise myself one iota.
When I came here I was promised a "place of respite and healing." I was told I could stay for an extended period, although the duration was never specified. I so looked forward to that time.
Instead I have endured repeated assaults on my sense of morality and my values and faith have been in a constant test of patience. I have listened to one lie after another with the first lie being told on the first day.
A small lie.... but BIG to me. My first question concerning this place was if it was situated near a bus stop. I was assured it was. That is not the truth and so I am left here without transportation and a taxi service is the only way out of here... twenty dollars being the minimum just for me to sit in the car. That is certainly a hardship considering my income.
I have endured continued and repetitive renditions of what a liar the other occupant of the house is, what a terrible mother she is and how her whole life is one big lie.
Divide and conquer is the way to get over that hurdle in the landlord's eyes. But what she never counted on was the bonding that occurred. It seems her crystal ball malfunctioned.
And so days passed and I listened to the lies spout from the landlord and I watched the young mother in distress from the lies being told. In an attempt to sway me to her side, the landlord 'instructed' me that I would pay no sympathy to the other one's sad saga.
Something inside me snapped. Who likes to be told how to feel? And so I told her, "You may dispute what I think, but you can not dispute how I feel." Her tone changed dramatically as I stormed off to my room. We have never had a civil exchange since. I am sure that it is because I did not bend to her will. Too bad. I have a Higher Will to cleave to and her sneaky and devious tactics are now lost on me. I am done.
This happened on July 25.
I sat for two days remembering all the things she had told me - sordid explicit details in graphic vulgar language of a recent casual sexual encounter with a man she found on craigslist. I heard how previous boarders had 'issues' and how she had to 'have them removed from her sanctuary.' I heard some details of estranged family encounters, emotional, physical and sexual abuse that led to various 'untreatable' mental health diagnoses. Warning flags rose on that comment!
I heard the demeaning things she said about her so-called friends. The one that comes most vividly to mind is her description of one of her best friends. She calls her Plastic Barbie. A very nice looking woman who is herself having marital problems. She recounted to me several times how, even though she considers herself a Christian woman, she is still 'counseling' and encouraging the other woman to leave her husband. It was all so very depressing.
I listened as she recounted, detail by detail, a new encounter from craigslist, but how, in the end, he was not for her because his life was 'too full.' I suspect his life was just full enough that she could not consume all his time and that was just not acceptable to her.
All I know for sure is that after I set the boundary for myself, she never told me a thing since. Actually, it has been quite a relief. I grew weary of hearing it all. But then I became just one more in what I have come to realize is a long line of victims that she has set out to 'save from themselves.'
She cruises craigslist for people who are in desperate need. She promises them that respite and healing place. But when they show her they have minds of their own and will not be coerced, she turns on a dime. So it was no surprise really to discover that my call to 911 on the 28th was not the first time the authorities have had to come here.
That morning everything was quiet, as it had been for a couple of days since I drew my line. I was awakened by frantic knocking and was told she had barged into the other person's room and was 'just sitting there' refusing to leave. I got up to find her sitting there on a love seat casually leafing through a flyer. When asked, "So, what's going on?", the reply was, "I'm just sitting in a room in my own house." How childish. How rude. How illegal.
After a few minutes of the impasse, she began removing things from the room and demanding that the other person leave and give her the bed frame. The law states that if you want to evict someone, there is a process whereby to do so. After making a complete and utter fool of herself, she at one point lunged over the bed area to release the valve on the airbed that the mother and child were both on at the time. She succeeded in releasing the valve whereupon the mother rose to seal the valve. Visibly upset and fearful because the landlord had placed herself so very close to the child and he was upset, the mother asked me to call 911 and I agreed.
I was told that if I did, I 'would regret it." I took that as a threat and made the call. Knowing (I think) that she was in the wrong, the landlord left the room. I doubt it would have looked very good if she had still been sitting in there when the cops arrived.
He came in and talked with all three of us separately. In the end he summoned us all together and explained a few things. The landlord can not just arbitrarily enter a person's space. The bed frame that was so important was to be relinquished on that day. The landlord was to keep her distance and no more arguing. His very words were that if he had to return, 'someone would be going to jail.' He instructed her to get a notice to vacate from a judge and that there was little she could do other than take legal measures. And then he left.
The landlord got the bed frame plus several other items from the room and then retreated to her side of the house. Everything felt awkward and in chaos.
The other person and I decided to do the things we had to do together to prevent any other mishaps. And so we cooked together and did laundry... that sort of thing... as a team. On our first cooking excursion, the landlord had to make her presence known. She came in and busied herself in the kitchen as we were cooking. We chatted about all manner of things and just ignored her. Once again she retreated to her room.
The next morning when I awoke I had the following email with the subject line stating, "Because of yesterday..." with the time at 8:17 am.
You can be in no doubt that I wish you to vacate my premises just as soon as possible. Perhaps (the other person) can take you with her. It will occur to you at some point that she used you yesterday, just as she has used me, but by the time you realize it, she will be long gone and so will you.
I will need your first and last name to put on a notice to vacate. I attempted to honor my commitment to God by using my home to help you and (the other person) who both seemed to be in crisis, but evidently both of you are beyond help and have absolutely no sense of gratitude or loyalty. You might ponder why you keep being asked to get out, but that is your own concern and no longer any of mine.
As if that was a news flash...
Later that day at 1:38 pm, I received another email from the landlord with the subject line, "No mail." The body of the email simply said, "No reply necessary."
I thought if I did reply then it could be construed as harassment, and so I have made no replies. But clearly, she was cutting off the very lines of communication that the officer said to keep open.
That same day found the kitchen counter the proud occupant of a newly revised "House Rules." (By the way... no such rules had ever been offered to begin with.) Along with the emails it has been the first in a line of 'communications' meant to instigate a response which the both of us have tried to limit. I suspect the landlord's hope is that if she applies enough pressure, one of us will crumble under her 'power.' How droll.
These were the House Rules:
- 1. Do not use other people's food without permission.
- 2. Do not use dishes, pots or appliances if you are not willing to clean them.
- 3. No open food containers and/or dirty dishes in my home.
- 4. When you speak to me use a civil respectful tone. You may dislike me, but you should remember you are in my home because I was trying to help you. You owe me respect.
- 5. Theft or damage to my home or belongings will be reported as well as any attempt to damage my reputation.
- 6. Clean up after yourself. There is no maid and I work hard for my living. And have no desire to wash your dishes and clean up messes you leave on the floor and counter top (pancake batter, for instance).
- 7. My desire to use my home to do good seems to be a miserable failure, but I have done what I said I would do. Have you?
After all this, the real stupidity began. She talks loud in the first place. It is because she needs to have all the attention. And so as we would cook (the only place where we can actually hear her), she would talk on the phone telling lies. To whom? Who knows? Perhaps she wasn't talking to anyone at all. I don't know. I don't care. These were among the things she was 'telling someone else':
- I was so worried about her. I had to check on her. She is unstable and I was soooooo concerned that she had killed herself.
- That child is abused. She never lets him out of that room.
- All I ever do is clean up after them.
- I am in fear for my life. If something happens to me I hope you tell the cops it was them.
- I know they are going to trash my house. All my expensive things. Oh my God!!!
And it went on and on and on and on .... you get the idea.
On the night of the 30th, she parked her car in front of the neighbor's house. I am sure she convinced her that we were going to do harm to her vehicle. Strange thing though... she has foreign exchange students who live here during the school year. Their car was still in the driveway. Her car was precious, but their car was fair game. That should tell you something about who she is. Oh yeah, and the neighbor? You guessed it... Plastic Barbie herself. I wonder if she knows that is the landlord's nickname for her? Hmmmmmm....
So the 29th and 30th were spent with us having to listen to 'overheard conversations' if they ever really existed at all. So the incident of the 31st shouldn't have come as a surprise at all, but it did... for me anyway.
I was awakened by loud knocking. Thin doors don't need to be knocked down to hear the knock on them. I stumbled to the door and the landlord was standing there and handed me a 3x5 index card. I asked what it was whereupon, she turned off the hall light and she said, "You can't read English?" in a very sarcastic tone. I had been wakened from a dead sleep and had no glasses on. HOWEVER, her House Rules instruct us to speak to her in a civil and respectful tone. We do not deserve the same?
She then advanced to the other person's door and tried to give her a note. The other person refused to open the door. She told her to slip the paper under the door. But the landlord refused to do that. So she started reciting it out loud. When the other person asked her to go away, she then pushed herself against the locked door and it popped open hitting the other person. I could see this. Our doors are about ten feet apart.
The other person was upset having been hit with the door. Words ensued. But I could see the landlord trying to bait her into becoming too loud or too aggressive. I raised my voice saying the other person's name a few times. I got her attention and then said something funny. That was our code to retreat. I asked the landlord to leave the hallway, but she refused saying, "This is MY house and I can stand any place I please." Oh well. And so the other person and I went into our rooms and closed AND LOCKED our doors.
My note contained the following:
My insurance agent instructs me that I should not allow a person with your mobility problems to go down my stairs and path, go onto my dock or use the flagstone area of the pergola. You are therefore noticed (yes, she said noticed, not notified) not to use any of my back area.
Less than an hour later I received this email from the landlord. I consider it a last ditch effort on her part to push her opinion on me.
Did I not rescue you from a truly horrible situation? Was I not kind and helpful to you? I took you to the store, making sure I dropped you off at the front so you wouldn't have to walk from the parking lot because of your breathing and mobility problems. Didn't I offer you a free place to stay until the end of July because you had already paid to live in a place where they were telling you to leave? I cannot think of a single thing that I have ever done to hurt you, and yet you are so hateful to me and so helpful to (the other person).
I want you to think of something. The other day (the other person) yelled at you to call the police? Why? She had her cell phone close to hand and could certainly have dialed 911. Why did she tell you to do it? She had to know that as soon as you did that, you would no longer be welcome in my home. So I can only conclude that she didn't care what happened to you. But the unbelievable thing was that you did it. Despite the fact that I had tried to help you, you chose to humiliate me when there was no necessity.
You need to understand that if you are basing your behavior on things that (the other person) has told you about me, they are things that are not true. Her own great-aunt told me several times that she is a liar and certainly everything she told me which made me feel sorry for her and allow her to come into my home has proven to be untrue.
She told me (the son's) father was a soldier who died in Iraq. (The son's) father is alive; they are divorced. I believe she uses her maiden name to keep his father from finding him.
She told me her father and mother died in March of this year, he of a heart attack at the age of 78 and the mother two weeks later.
Her mother is alive and living in Michigan. The great-aunt didn't know who her father was.
She told me that she had an identical twin sister who was beat to death three years ago by her boyfriend. Her aunt said no such thing ever happened.
She told me she was an undercover agent for the government. Of course, that's just silly. I don't know why she has to make up such lies unless she just doesn't feel well enough about herself to present to the world as she is.
The (person) that you portrayed yourself to be in your blogs is a highly spiritual person, with an attitude of gratitude and would not have been capable of making such a cruel return on my kindness and helpfulness to you. It simply defies belief. Why do you resent me so much? What have I done to deserve your disdain for me?
If anything happens to me, I have two people who have your information and hers, so you will not get away with harming me. I really feel that you need to think very hard about what you are doing for your soul's sake.
Dear God, help me in my hour of need when I am being cruelly treated by those to whom I extended the hand of friendship. I ask it in Jesus' name. Amen.
And so there you have it... the chronicle of dementia (or worse).
My worry now is that she will do one of many things. She may harm herself and call the police and say one of us did it. She may destroy some of her belongings and say the same thing. She is telling anyone and everyone who will listen nothing but lies. Those who know me, know. God knows. I really have nothing to fear.
And what is it I fear? Sometimes justice does not prevail on the side of good. Being that I can be considered homeless and she is a full-fledged 'land owner,' who are the authorities going to believe? Oh sure we would LOVE to think they would see through the lies and be fair, but then maybe they wouldn't want to.
I dispute the assertion that I am ungrateful and unloyal. But that is for me and my conscience to sort out. It is not for a self-proclaimed Christian woman to sit in judgment of me.
I have, and will continue to stand in my own defense on this matter. I will not budge one iota. I will give respect unconditionally the first time. But after that respect has been violated, do not tell me I owe you respect. Respect is then earned and nothing has been done to earn it back. Quite frankly, I doubt it is possible.
And I wonder... what information was she referring to in the last email? All I gave her was a name. But she has asserted that she had the other person's Social Security number. Exactly what information does she have that she gave those two alleged people who are waiting for something very awful to happen to her so they can report me and the other person? Would you not be fearful that lies would win out?
I did nothing except fulfill a request based on the immediate circumstances - circumstances, I might add, that were totally created by the landlord's behaviour. You had to be standing where I was to know what I felt. I saw a woman lunge over another woman and her child to release a valve on an airbed, while they were in the airbed. It seemed not only childish at the time, but was way too aggressive for my liking. So yes, I had to make a decision. I did that. I would make the same decision today. That is who I am.
As far as the behaviour of today... the pushing of the locked door so it actually hit the other person (and she knew she was right there behind the door... they were shouting at each other)... to me that is an escalation that I am NOT comfortable with at all. First the lunge, then hitting someone with a door... WHAT NEXT????
It reminds me of women who are battered. First the shove, then the open-handed slap, then the punches, then the beatings and broken bones... and then some get to die. Is the other person supposed to just live with whatever this woman decides to do and not defend herself and her child? Am I supposed to be an innocent bystander who refuses to get involved? Come on... you know me better than that. Unlike some I have encountered, I have principles to live by.
So I'm going to go dramatic on you... yep, right now. If you don't hear from me or see new posts very soon... send out the bloodhounds to find the bodies.
I will keep you posted... from Crazyland.
