My First Year on Facebook

A year ago today I was sitting at the kitchen table where I was boarding with a pair of sisters. I had just been told for the second times in as many months that I needed to find another place to live.

Being a Saturday, I had few options. I was half crazy with worry and doubt. I had come to South Carolina in the greatest leap of faith I had taken in years. My roof had fallen in (literally) and seeing I had no ties to Massachusetts, I decided to move here. A lady had befriended me online and offered help. And so I packed up what I could salvage and just moved.

Although it was actually raining inside my apartment and the ceiling had fallen in leaving a huge six-foot by four-foot hole, it wasn't long after my arrival in South Carolina that I knew I had made a dreadful mistake. Hindsight is always 20/20.

I won't go into any details, but the situation was unacceptable to me. When I voiced my opinion I was told, "Then 'git gone'." I was devastated. I didn't know another soul in this state. I had only been here 57 days. Welcome!

Very leery, I placed an ad on craigslist. I do NOT recommend this at all!!!!!! Without any access to any kind of government services, I accepted the solitary invitation to move. Again... a very bad decision on my part. But it wasn't as if I had options overflowing to me.

I felt happy that the two sisters were church-going people. Each with a handicapped child and women of God, I felt confident when they came to pick me up. I thought perhaps I could finally get to go to church after being unchurched for so many years. I was desperately seeking God, but didn't know He was sitting on my shoulder the whole time.

Upon my arrival I was pointed to the couch where I would be boarding. The room I had rented was 'not available.' Again, with no options, I thought, "Oh well, it's better than being on the streets." But as time would pass I could see the fallacy in that thought process.

During my stay there I noticed they were always buzzing about Facebook. I had never had any interest in social networking. What's the point, I thought? So I decided to check it out. I had seven friends haha. And then they added me so I had nine.

Being bored and loving to play around with pictures, I thought I would create a picture with a quote on it. And that was the beginning. It grounded me somehow and made some sense of my life of chaos. It would be the only thing I could be faithful to for months to come.

With no resolution in sight and still with no connections made I had to resort to craigslist again. This time a lady came to get me who had another boarder with a small child. My thinking was that there was more than one boarder so it was probably legitimate. I soon learned that I had to stop thinking.

I had arrived in April and here it was August and the other boarder and her five-year-old son and I were now residing in one of those motels by the week. We were out of money and the rent was up in just a few days.

I was talking with a friend of mine on the phone. And I was crying in a way that I hadn't cried in years. I was broken and ashamed of myself for believing in people that didn't deserve it. I don't remember much of that conversation, but I remember him telling me to hang on, that I still had nearly two days left, to not panic.

In my misery and suffering I cried out, "Oh sure! And where is God NOW?" He assured me that things would be OK. I wasn't convinced and I was mad as a hatter for him being so cold (my perception). It's easy to say things will work out when you're all comfy in your own house. I left that conversation bitter and angry and with an attitude of 'I'll show you!'

I had been outside for privacy. I went in, got on the computer, and placed one more ad on craigslist. This was a Sunday night around midnight. At 11 a.m. on Tuesday the rent was up. I had no money and just a glimmer of hope.

I kept checking my emails and making calls to wherever I could to find shelter. Nothing. I have severe breathing issues and it was one of the hottest summers South Carolina had had in a while with temperatures in the 90s and 100s. Soon I would be on the street unable to breathe. I was petrified.

In the meantime Kenny and Anna had rented the room next to mine. God-fearing and God-loving people they were... like a breath of fresh air. Kenny assured me that God would not let me down.

Monday was near to a close and suddenly my phone rang. I looked at the clock. It was 10 p.m. and a number I didn't recognize. It was a response to my ad, the only one I might add.

It was a young couple. They lived so far away, over an hour. She asked me a bunch of questions and said she would get back to me. I told her I would have no phone after 11 a.m. the next day. Inside an hour she called me back saying they would come to pick me up but couldn't until Wednesday. During that hour span the woman with the child I was staying in the hotel with received a gift of cash... enough to buy a couple more days. We were ecstatic!

I told the woman on the phone that I had no money until the following month. She said it was no problem and would be there to pick me up the following evening. I wouldn't believe it until I saw it, but there she was the following night.

They lived in the country and I liked that idea. And OMG, the critters! they had seven dogs and nine cats. The Mama kitty had just had a litter. I was in heaven.

But as it seemed my life in South Carolina came in two month increments, I soon realized that I had to be making other plans here too.

This time I contacted the only people I knew... Kenny and Anna. And they got me in touch with a woman who has been my saving grace, my angel, Stephanie. That was the end of October 2010.

This total stranger took me into her home and drove me to Pensacola, FL five days later. (I thought I needed to be there. Another bad idea! haha)

After two months and knowing that once again I had messed up, I called this young woman for help. She said she would call me back in an hour after discussing it with her hubby. Twenty minutes later the phone rang and it was Brian, her husband. He said, "Hi, Stranger. Get your butt home!!!"

And so January 12, 2011 I came back to South Carolina, to a place I vowed I would never return. I'm eating those words day by day. With Stephanie's help I have secured my own place. Donations from friends of hers has furnished this place I now call home. I am grounded and feel at peace most of the time. I have a church family that I am getting to know. And God is number one in my life. I am most certainly blessed.

Throughout this whole ordeal I found comfort each day knowing I would see my friends on Facebook. I would do my little picture thing and it gave me a sense of purpose and belonging. The happiest part of the day was opening up the page to look at the notifications bar. I was always amazed at how many people cared about me.

Today is one year since I posted my first picture. And over the year I have become the self-appointed 'cyber cake maker' for birthdays and anniversaries... and anything else I can find an excuse to whip one up LOL. So today I whipped one up for myself.

As I told you, when I started I had seven friends on my list. I call them my Super Seven. It is fitting that my journey should begin with God's number.

I wasn't too sure I was going to like Facebook.

I had heard so many negative things about it. But part of what it did for me was give me back some.... Hope.

It most assuredly restored my... Faith.

And with a LOT of... Prayer...

I learned how to... Live this thing called Life.

And almost by osmosis I began to... Love again.

And... Laugh.

I Learned how to... Listen.

So I could Listen to Learn...

Somewhere along the way I discovered that I kind of liked...

And that life isn't all that serious... that I can... Poke fun at myself for making dumb decisions. My friends and I have Poke-fests. I love that.

And I learned that even though people have busy lives with families and jobs and kids and interests, and that maybe they don't communicate often or long, but that a... LOL on a post REALLY means... "Hey you, I was thinking of you." I feel special when I see comments and Likes. It makes me know I am no longer alone in this world.

It's been a great year in spite of the heartache and pain. I have grown by leaps and bounds. I am excited about my new life and about my future.

I wanted to share this special day with you... because...

p.s. On the way in you heard my favorite song of all time, "Amazing Grace," done by guitar. It's a nice rendition and I love it. It's kind of how I felt at the beginning of the year... definitely somber, and slow for sure. Take a moment to hear how I feel NOW... due in LARGE part to YOU, My Facebook Family... Brought to me by a Loving God whose Grace is, well, IT'S AMAZING!

I love each and every one of you. Thanks for making it a great year. I look forward to many years ahead!

THANK YOU!!!

Weddings R Us

I just don't get it. What's all the brouhaha about?

Prince William got married. Whoop-dee-doo!

"But he's ROYALTY!" you exclaim.

Really? I hadn't noticed. You see, I'm over here in Whoville polishing my own crown. Oh, I may not live in a palace and have servants at my command. Nor will I ever see the flash of cameras in my face due to my notoriety. And the fairy tale? Exactly! It's a fairy tale.

Where are the cameras for the kids down the street who just got married? They don't have a pot to... well, you know the saying. And maybe their cake came from the local supermarket and the bride's dress was a hand-me-down. I am certain there was no horse-drawn carriage. I think they might have arrived in a 1992 Taurus. And the wedding portraits? Probably taken by family members. Does that make their wedding any less relevant?

It seems to me that the same vows were exchanged in front of God and witnesses. And for all the hoo-ha surrounding the 'royal' wedding (not to mention the expense that could perhaps feed a small country for weeks, maybe years), the kids are just as married as the 'royal' couple.

It is only humankind that makes one more valuable than the other. Self-proclaimed royal standing can be a double-edged sword. "But it's their lineage," you say. Really? We all need to go back in our own histories and seek royal standing. I am certain we can find it.

I see you roll your eyes. What do I know anyway?

This I know...

When I was conceived I was not the whim of a careless Creator. Of all the billions of humans who have ever lived, are living and who will ever live, I am unique. There is no one like me.

I am more precious than silver or gold or any title that man could give me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made by a Loving God who lifts AND carries my burdens and then comforts me in the darkest of nights.

I am a living, breathing miracle... A Child of God. I claim this title because He told me I could. And if I believe this of myself, then I have to believe those kids down the street are equally important to God as well. And yes, the newly married William and Kate too.

I have no quarrels with the royal family. I respect their positions as leaders of their country. I just don't buy into the "royal' image that is being shoved down our throats over it. It was a wedding, period. I wish them well.

The way the media spins its tales, I'm thinking the kids down the street have a better chance of hanging in there for the long haul. And when exactly was it that the lives of people we don't know and never will know are public domain? Have we digressed so much as a species that our own lives are of little or no importance in comparison to those of celebrity? And we have to live extraneously through our televisions and computer screens to visually eavesdrop on others? Downright nosy if you ask me. And no, you didn't! Well, enough of that. I'm probably just miffed that I didn't get an invitation. So as you see, I made my own!

For now I need to go... I left that crown sitting over there on the table. It won't polish itself, you know. Oh yeah... and Congratulations to the kids down the street. May you be blessed.

(I chose this picture because this is what it's all about... the look of love passed between two people.)

Mothers Are Precious

I wanted to write something witty and pretty and bright about mothers. Instead... I give you this.

"She might die," Social Services said, "but we will pay for the expenses." But you took me home anyway.

I had rickets, a deficiency of vitamin D and calcium. You fed me foods I hated. I spit them out. You shoved them back in my mouth. You would not give up.

I became stronger but still could not walk until I was nearly 4-1/2 years old. You were told sunshine would help tremendously and so you carried me outside every chance you got. I was by your side as you hung the clothes out on the line. I was in a wagon as you went out to do the chores. Your determination was fearless.

Because I couldn't engage in activities with other children, you occupied the rest of my time with playing school. I could both read and write by the time I was three... at a third grade level. There were no excuses for 'bad grades.'

On those rare occasions that you decided to have fun, you brought out your accordion and played beautiful music and sang. I would clap my hands and sing too. You were so beautiful to me when you were playing.

My constant ear infections kept you up until all hours. And I remember you rocking me and singing, comforting me and telling me that everything would be all right. I felt safe in your arms.

When I finally got to the point that I began walking, you wouldn't let up. We would go for 'walks' out the back, up into the woods. I couldn't keep up and felt afraid that I might get lost. But there you were coaxing me along, pushing me ever harder. You wouldn't take no for an answer.

As my fifth birthday approached in the sweltering heat, you were readying me for my first day of school. I was so excited. I can still remember the smell of that book bag and the paste we used back then. That old one-room schoolhouse served me well. And my first grade teacher would be a person who would come and go in and out of my life for years to come.

You hugged me when I needed it and whipped my butt when I needed that too. You tolerated zero disrespect. You drove home lessons on right and wrong and you told me I could do anything I set my mind to doing.

When I was stubborn and ill-mannered I faced the consequences. I never had the luxury of having my own room or privacy. We made do with what we had. We wasted nothing. I learned frugality and the benefits of hard work. And all those lessons have bore fruit.

I think sometimes how hard it must have been for you. The country was just coming out of the Depression. If we think the economy is bad now, it was so much worse then.

And yet for the most part, there was food on the table and clothes on our backs. We didn't have much, but then we really didn't want much either. It was a better time, a slower time. One that sticks with you like oatmeal.

I could never bear children. I always felt left out that way. But God in his heaven has his plans. Children for me weren't in those plans. I've always thought I might have been a good Mama. But then, who knows, huh?

Thank you for the lessons learned, the fevers cured, the painstaking determination that you could help me to get well. You saved my life... and you gave me a home. Your sacrifices were many and your complaints few. I am grateful and forever in your debt.

Happy Mother's Day, Mama. I love you.

Sometimes I wonder

what my life is worth
And yet I see

the miracle of my birth.
How astounding it is

that I came to be
For that I can thank my deity.

I was generated from one single cell
And grew in my mother, oh so well.
Welcome to the world!

And then I cried.
(We all cry, I'm told)

And my mother sighed.

I was healthy and strong

and fully intact.
What a beautiful start...

except for the whack.
And then...an event..

not a soul could rehearse...
God whispered the secrets

of the universe.

Those words were imprinted

inside of my soul.
Though instantly forgotten,

they made me whole.
I was born to travel

my entire life
Searching for meaning

amidst all the strife.

Then there were times

I knew not what to do

And I'd draw on that voice...

I instinctively knew.
And peace would enfold me

and make my heart still.
By lifting the troubles,

with Love it would fill.

The moments that pass...

they do leave a trace.
If we listen, we journey

to God face to face.
We seek Him, We love Him,

We worship Him, it's true.
But if we don't we are lost...
doomed through and through.

Our days are all numbered

like the hairs on our head,
But they needn't be filled

with misery and dread.
For to journey to Him

is the reason I find
That we're here to begin with...

He had that in mind,

When He made us to love HIm

and each other as well
Life itself is the meaning,

as far as I can tell.
We must learn our own lessons

and do them with love
And surely we'll be graced

with blessings from above.

He is Our Master to love,
honor and obey.
Nothing matters except this.
Believe this, I say.

So no more do I wonder

what my life is worth.
I've discovered its meaning

from my life here on Earth.
There's just one thing to remember

when everything fails
I'm a treasure because my life is worth...

A Crown of Thorns
and
Three Nails

(c) 2011 Sally Rose

A Feather Tale

My writing career this time around (as opposed to two decades ago) began with a story about birds in a flower pot. Doves, to be exact. It was a grand love story for the heart. And when I decided to end the blog, I posted a bird in a pot to honor the impact that the opportunity to write the story had on me.

It seems the birds have struck again!

I received this story from a friend. And what better way to symbolize another beginning than to post about a dove one more time? The dove is the universal symbol of peace. I now make peace with that segment of my past which has afforded me the luxury of moving on... to other things, perhaps better things.

I give you NOAH - one special bird.

These little bunnies, about six days old, were attacked by a dog and orphaned. Two out of the litter of five did not survive, and these three were not doing very well either.

Noah is a non-releasable, one-legged homing pigeon/rock dove that is in the rehab center. Noah kept going over to the bunny cage and looking in - even sleeping in front of the door to the cage.

Then, suddenly, there were only two bunnies in the cage. But when Noah moved a bit from the front of the cage, to everyone's surprise, there was the tiny bunny under Noah's wing... sound asleep! That little bunny rabbit had crawled through the cage, preferring a feather bed, no doubt, to snuggling up with its litter mates.

Soon they all came together and are now doing GREAT! When the bunnies scoot under Noah's feathers, he carefully extends his wings out to surround them and then they snuggle. When one of them moves and begin sticking our here and there, he gently pushes them back under his him with his beak. It is beautiful and most amazing to see.

This is what God does with us when we need the warmth and love that He offers. He gathers us under His loving wings to a cradle of protection. All we need to do in return is give Him thanks and praise for being with us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had been struggling with how to begin again. Ideas ran through my mind as if they had a life of their own, but I couldn't seem to focus on just one. A writer's life is one of hit and miss, here and there... and out on the edge sometimes.

When I received the email, I thought, "This is such an awesome story. I need to send it to everyone." But time passed and I never did send it. Yet every time I went to my inbox, there it was almost glowing at me.

And then I thought, "I wonder if it would be cheating to post something that some else had written?" It wouldn't be the first time I had done that - on those lazy days when I didn't really feel like writing.

"But this was my big comeback! I should write something myself," I thought. But then I realized that it was the doing that was important rather than who wrote what. I wish I could credit this story to whoever created it. Sadly I cannot. It wasn't included.

But I would like to add this. The first bird story unleashed a whole new world inside me, a world I had no concept of and one which I didn't even know existed. It's been three years now. Three years of pouring out my heart, complaining about everything I felt was unjust and reaching new levels of creativity that I wasn't aware I possessed.

I thank the persons who gave me that story, the story that touched my very soul. So I believe it is fitting, no, destiny that another new beginning would involve a bird. It has come to be symbolic for my own personal journey.

I wonder though... if they will ever know the impact they had on me?

I adore the fact that Noah didn't mind (or notice) that his bebes had fur. It's all right though. They didn't care that he had only one leg either.

God bless you all... It's so good to be back.

　

I Changed My Mind

OK... so I changed my mind. I hear that is a woman's prerogative. I have never really exercised that right. I always felt like if you changed your mind it was kind of like you had lied the first time. But then I realized that my thinking was flawed and rigid; that change can be good. And so the story goes today.

I changed my mind. I missed blogging here, however sporadic it was. And to my surprise, others missed me too. And so it is for them, more than for myself that I announce...

I'm baaaaack... By Popular Demand!

I will try not to have any more lapses in judgment, but you know how it goes. I am human... I have glitches. Hoo hoo for the glitches, I say! It sure makes life interesting.

So there's nothing on my mind today to report, chew on or divulge. I just wanted you to know I was tired of being miserable. And just writing this today has made a lot of things better...

Expect anything. Be surprised by nothing. Life has a way of coming round... and round...

Love you... and thanks for the nudge!

New Beginnings...

I sit here and look back at the landscape traveled. For me, it is nothing less than awesome. To go from where I was to where I am now could not have been accomplished. All you had to do was ask me - I would have been more than glad to inform you - "You can't get there from here!"

And although Here very much resembles There on the outside, there really is no comparison on the inside. And that is the part that matters the most, I find.

While a hundred posts more or less in this world may not amount to much, for me it has been a roller coaster ride. It has had its glories and its defeats, its charm and wit and its ugliness. I apologize for nothing. I take it all in and realize I am who I am, warts and all.

Early on I wrote about 'things.' Those things lay mostly outside myself. To venture inward was too frightening. I had another site (now defunct) where I poured my poetic self out and did other small things. But never would I reveal any of my inner feelings. Over time that changed.

The first 'real' post was about a bird in a planter. I found myself mesmerized as the story was told to me and I wrote it out. I published it on a blog I had at a local newspaper. You won't find it here. But that was the true beginning of everything that has followed.

Today I bid you a fond farewell. I thank you all for your kindness and gentleness with me. Your encouragement has led me to other things now. For that I am grateful beyond words.

This blog has afforded me the luxury of becoming a better person. Some will argue that point. That is your choice.

But make no mistake... you have not heard the last from me yet. It just won't be here. Thank you for your unending encouragement and prodding. Thank you for all the comments and emails. Truly none of this could have been done without you.

And so true to form... I leave you as we began... with a bird in a planter... A reminder that you can begin anywhere you are and become something fabulous!!!

I Love You All...