Leaving The Past Behind

I wouldn't want to have to repeat the last 24 hours for anything! The doubt, the insecurity and OMG the waiting on hold! But it's done now and I am so very grateful. Now the work begins. Yuk!

My friend, Brie, had to change her plans to come and retrieve the old woman. I can't say I blame her. What a trip! 900 miles into unknown territory. She can't stand the idea of feeling lost. And I could feel her pain traveling all that way just to come get me and feeling that sensation every step of the way.

But God is good and He makes all things possible. So when I heard that I was going to be flying there I should have seen it as the opportunity to experience the friendly skies. Instead I withdrew inside myself and became selfish, self-centered and weepy.

But with another 24 hours that have passed I see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. We humans are a strange bunch. If we ask God for something and He bestows it on us, we think nothing of it. Most times we don't even say thank you. But if He says no or not right now, we wail like infants (at least I do haha). Ah, humanity - how fickle.

Back in May of 2008 I was embarking on a new life too. I remember being willing to give up anything to get there too. Today I'd like to share a piece with you that tells what I was willing to do.. It tells me that if I was willing then, I should be willing now. And it almost seems like a self-fulfilling prophecy. I present to you The Baggage Claim. Thank you, my friends, for keeping me right with myself and my God.

　

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Baggage Claim

Wave after wave of lights flashed by her eyes as she peered out the window of the bus. She was glad that the bus driver knew where they were. She was utterly lost. It seemed as though they had been in the city for hours.

Her thoughts drifted... 'people aren't supposed to live like this all stacked on top of each other... they need room to breathe, to just be.' And the bus just kept on moving. She wondered what Grand Central Station looked like after all these years. Would she still recognize it? She had only seen it once, but that building left a deep impression on her mind.

It was the number of people that stunned her the most. And they all seemed to know where they were going. Suddenly she felt like a hick with a huge 'H' tattooed on her forehead as if to warn those around her. She was sure they could tell. It's easy to see someone else's uneasiness. Maybe she could fool them by the way she walked, head up, eyes straight ahead. It had worked before in similar circumstances.

She was shaken from her thoughts as an almost alien sounding voice came over the speakers announcing they were approaching the station. People were stirring from their sleeps and out the window she saw the building which had made such a mark on her years before.

She guessed it was that gold color that did it. It was so ornate and rich looking, a throwback to an era long forgotten and most yearned for these days by people who were media-soaked and too hurried. She knew that building had many stories... countless perhaps. Loves and lives lost or reunited. Maybe daily travels or transitions to other countries... safaris maybe or Paris and Rome. It was a romantic building all right, with secrets and vows, yearnings and dreams. And although there was much busyness, she was sure an infinite number of ghosts dwelled there. As the bus ground to a halt, she wondered if the inside had changed much. She hoped not. It was a grand spectacle to behold.






It seemed brighter to her somehow. She wondered why. Maybe some building that was close had been demolished and made way for the sun to shine in. Maybe she was different and looking through different eyes. It was the same, yet not. It was all quite baffling to her. And then she saw the pictures on the wall. Yes! That was the Grand Central she remembered. Dingy looking and not so pristine. It was a definite lived-in look. A place with too much company for so little space although it was huge.





It was the smoke! You could smoke in public without feeling like you were going to be whipped back then. That was the difference. Oh yes, times had changed all right. And the numbers had increased, although that was hard to imagine.

No she had no time to dilly-dally. She wished she did. But it was time to head for the baggage claim and then find someone to help her to get it out to the curb to find a cab to the airport. She stopped and asked for directions.

These New Yorkers, so prideful of how friendly they are, are a gruesome bunch. It seemed as though she was 'bothering' them. It didn't take long for her anger to rise at the idea of being thought of as a pest. "Then take off the damn uniform if you don't want to be bothered," she thought.

And as quickly as it came, she knew she had to get rid of it. This was no time for that kind of thing. She was headed for her new life... the one she had been waiting for... forever. there was no time for anger or bitterness. No time for negativity. No time for pettiness or ambivalence. She was embarking on an adventure... finally. And this building was part of it... to be relished and enjoyed.

And she headed in the direction she was told, renewed by hope and joy. She only had two hours for the transition. She would rather be early than late. With determination at full staff, she moved forward as if to convince herself that it was all going to be all right.

After a long tedious journey, the likes of which she had not endured in a very long time, she finally found the baggage claim. There were some people there, but it seemed odd to her that there weren't more. Perhaps this would be her lucky day after all. There was no time to linger.

With seven bags and a trunk, it was going to take forever to get to the airport. Only now at this very moment did she think that she could have sent them on ahead. "My God, what was I thinking?" she thought panicking just a little inside. Brushing the fear aside, she just moved closer to the counter. Only two to go and she would be there. Within just a minute or two she was there.

The clerk was courteous, but cool. He had no time for small talk and he made that plain. "He'd never make it up north," she thought to herself, "too withdrawn." When she asked him about help for her baggage, he seemed rather unconcerned about it. She could tell it was going to be another wild goose chase for sure. He waved vaguely in some direction and blurted out something to the effect of "personal problem, blah blah blah." Again her anger overtook her. "Well, pray tell, does it look as though I have eight hands for eight pieces of baggage?" Whereupon he informed her that she should have packed lighter. And without missing a heartbeat, he looked up and past her, and called out "Next!" And there she was. Seven bags and a trunk and no one to help.

She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream. She wanted to do anything or be anywhere but here. But that wasn't going to happen any time soon. One hour and forty-five minutes to launch. "Damn, I'm cutting this too close," she thought. "There's no time for phone calls and sorting things out. There's just no time."

She found a seat within view of her bags and sat down. It had been hard trying to determine what she was going to take and what she was going to leave behind. It had been one grueling decision after another. One time when she glanced over at them, she had to blink... and blink hard. Her baggage was rapidly becoming a metaphor for her life, cluttering it, weighing it down, necessary in some respects, but burdensome in others. It was time to weigh it out and try to do it in a somewhat rational way. It was beginning to look like a spectre, not a blessing.

She reached inside her purse and found a pen and a scrap of paper. Very quickly she drew a line down the middle from top to bottom. It was time for the never-fail method... the pros and cons. It always served her well.

She always amazed herself with quick decisions of the heart. Some she regretted, but for the most part, her judgment was good. She sat back and looked at the very messily scrawled list. She looked up and checked out the baggage, and then back her list.

There was one hour and thirty-nine minutes to go. The trunk had always been her "necessary" box. And what lie in the others was very little clothes and way too much history. And so her decision was made. The trunk and the largest bag. That is what she would take on her new adventure.

Hindsight told her she should have sent them off before her. That wasn't possible now. The trunk was on that neat little cart she had bought... it had wheels! And most certainly she could carry one bag! The rest? She and her best friend had already discussed something like that before. She remembered it vividly in that moment. He had said, "You know, you just have to let go or it will darken your new life." And she had very reluctantly remarked, "Necessary losses, huh?" And he, in his ever-gentle way, had said very quietly, "Exactly."

And so she walked over and grabbed the biggest of the bags in one hand. She tipped the trunk a little so she could pull it behind her like a shopping cart. She took one last glance and the remaining six and thought, "Go ahead... be on your way. To me you are excess, to another you may be a blessing. You're just one more necessary loss that I have to know to make it to my new life free."

And she turned, and walked away. Never looking back, never giving it another thought. For if the truth be told... the future was much brighter than the history could ever be. She made the airport on time. She made it to her new life on time... a little lighter, a whole lot freer, and very happy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And that, my friends, is what I intend to do. Thank you for your unending support. I love you all.