Injustice 101

"My heart aches," she said.

In that moment I knew exactly what she meant. It's difficult to see people you care about in pain. Life is like that - it's just one pain after another. Each one contributes to molding your character and making you stronger... or so the wise men would have us believe.

How about this? How about one month, just thirty days, with no drama, no pain, no worries, no writhing in agony over injustices of the world and deeds undone. No guilt, no second guessing, no "I-wish-I'das," that's right... no regrets. One month of happiness and bliss just to know it can be had. I figured I may as well ask for a dance on the Moon.

"If it's not one thing, it's the same thing," I always say. That doesn't leave much room for laughter and joy, does it? And then I thought, "Maybe THAT'S the problem - my perception."

I poo-pooed that idea very quickly. I just couldn't be wrong again this year. I had nearly used up my limit and we still have 5 weeks to go! But on closer inspection I had to admit that was the case. It was my perception that lends itself to childish whims and notions of unfairness.

Why should I (or anyone) be exempt from the pains of the world? What makes me so special? My mind wandered to people who seem to have it all. What about them? Where is their pain in their mansions on the hill and all the luxuries they can afford? What about them?

What about them? I was judging my insides by what I saw on their outside. That's never a good place to be. The ultimate unfairness is to stand in judgment.

But just then Grace dropped by with her usual regal state. Her pearls of wisdom always remind me of how blessed I am. I was taken back to a day when I read the words from the book that changed my life, The Greatest Miracle in the World by Og Mandino.

"He is not poor who has little, only he who desires much. True security lies not in what we have but what we can do without."

What could I do without today? The answer came quickly. I could do without my "Poor Me" attitude. Poooooooor me... oh woe is me. What crap! I am so blessed. With friends, with caring, and with joy in my heart... if I only focus on that.

And I heard myself saying, "Yes, I know your heart aches. Trust in God. His will be done, not mine." And she said... "I always forget that. Thanks for reminding me."

I always forget it too. But I'm glad it came when she was in pain. Ohhhhhhhhhhh! I get it now! We help each other to remember the important things. Isn't life grand?

I Nearly Scared Myself Shipless

I've never had much of an affinity for the sea per se. I love the ocean, especially the breeze. It's calming, relaxing and cleansing. But being unable to swim, I've never given the ocean or ships much thought. I lived inland and only got to experience the ocean for a brief time. It was an instant love affair, one that would beckon to me to return. That hasn't happened yet.

So when Columbus Day rolled around and the local TV station was covering events and history of the holiday, I didn't pay much attention to the brouhaha. Christopher Columbus... yadda. The Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria... yadda. But however subtle the messages were, I found myself thinking, almost obsessing, about ships.

It's been a month for the urge inside to gel and ripen. Today I present to you my journey with the ships. My wish is that you never look at ships the same again.

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I might have been a normal kid. It's hard to know from this end. But growing up in the 50s was a blessing. I can see that ever so clearly now. Things were simpler then, slower. There weren't as many worries for kids then like there is now. I'm sure there was peer pressure. I just don't remember it being abnormal or outrageous like the stories I've heard about bullying, especially since the beginning of the Internet. No... it was a quiet time, a time where there was time. There was time to read and to play and to get all your work done too. It seems like there's no time left any more.

And like so many kids, I stuck my nose in a book and I was whisked off to grand adventures, tall tales and fantasy worlds. There was no gender discrepancies. Even though I was a girl (Ewwwwwww), I still read books like Treasure Island, The Mutiny on the Bounty and The Old Man and the Sea. I wasn't violating any 'boy code' by doing that. And I'd dare say I had as much fun and imagination as the rest of them did in doing so.

And when my head would fall upon my pillow, I dreamed of treasure ships and pirate ships and even airships. There was no limit to how I could dream. I suppose if I had grown up later starships, spaceships and the mother ship would have been included in the nightly dramas that unfolded in my sleep. But I had no taste for history so my imagination never leaned toward warships or battleships.

Just like any dreamer, I longed to be the captain of my own ship. I'd make those pirates walk the plank! There would be no mutiny on MY bounty. No, Sir! I would run a tight ship, a clean ship. You could shape up or ship out. And none of that cowardly crap either! I wouldn't stand for you deserting a sinking ship like a bunch of rats. (The rats always leave first... did you know that?) Nope, everything would be shipshape on MY decks. You'd better toe the line or jump ship now! And if the worst would happen, I would do the honorable thing and go down with the ship. Such visions I created on my pillow.

But in the here and now I see what ships have sailed and which ones sank. It is in that retrospect that I have come to know that ships are important to everyone whether they know it or not. For it is ships that mold our lives and help us to become who we were meant to be.

I see your eyebrow lift. I'll explain further.

As I look back now I realize that if I knew as a kid that ships would end up being so important, I might have paid more attention to them. But I was a kid doing kid things.

My first hurdle, my first ship, was penmanship. I wrote as if I knew what I was doing. In later years I would adapt to a more casual type of handwriting. I call it Art-Sloppo. These days you would never guess I had done it correctly at some point in my life.

As I traveled through school I was faced with other ships too. Sportsmanship, friendship and championships all became integral to my life and well being. They were lessons well learned to benefit me as I approached adulthood.

I'm sure other ships came and went during that time. One of the ones I remember the most is marksmanship. Not having a boy led my father to teach me how to hunt. I could nail a bottle cap from quite a distance. But I could never bring myself to actually shoot a living thing which brought great disappointment to my father. The last year of high school brought the largest ship I had ever known. I received a scholarship for academic performance. In a move I regretted for a very long time, I never used it.

I left home when I was 18. Until I was 35 my life held no ships. It was a time of chaos and uncertainty. It was the worst time of my life. It is only now... ?? years later that I have come to full understanding of the importance of ships.

My first stark brush with reality happened when I came to know that I was not in charge of the chairmanship of the universe. You could have knocked me over with a feather! Hardship had followed me for a very long time. And I was finally coming into my own as far as feeling secure in an insecure world. And now this?

I was a solitary person. I don't mean that in a bad way. It's just that relationships never worked out, not even friendships. What was I to do? And then magical things began to happen to me. In realizing that I didn't own the leadership of all that is, I could breathe a little easier and relax... and let my guard down for a while.

When I did that I found friendship... real friendship, not that saccharin-coated kind. Along the way one of those friends gave me a most precious gift. I had shared some ancient hurt and was feeling bad over resentful feelings. She went to my kitchen and got a wooden spoon. She stood face to face with me, lifted the spoon like some magic wand and proclaimed as she touched my head with it, "I now pronounce you Human!" What a concept! At that moment two more ships entered my life: citizenship and membership in the human race.

As time went on I discovered that to progress I needed ownership of my character defects. I wasn't too happy about that ship at all. My incompetence in the stewardship of my own life was evident it seemed to everyone but me. My friend's continued sponsorship and fellowship saw me through some very hard times. Her gentle coaxing and blatant truths kept me coming back for more. A kinship had developed and although no censorship was present I realized some things just weren't worth mentioning.

As I became more self-aware opportunities presented themselves. I faced life with a new gusto and determination. I believed there was nothing I couldn't do. On the wings of an angel I flew to heights I had never reached. Possessing the authorship of my own life was the greatest freedom I had ever known. I stepped out of myself and my own worries into an apprenticeship of sorts. I helped others, who like me, had been lost in the sea of their own regrets and insecurities. More partnerships were formed and life was good.

A sad day came when I needed to change townships. I believed it to be in my best interest to do so. Looking back, it was the worst decision I have ever made. On this day I have no regrets. It was all to learn a lesson. But during that time I regressed. I didn't go back to my old ways completely, but enough to cause damage that had to be addressed.

I got married. I thought it would be a bipartisanship but came to learn it was a dictatorship. Like the aforementioned rats, I jumped the sinking ship. I withdrew into myself and locked the door so completely it's a wonder I ever got out. My friend, my wonderful friend... she died. There would be no more counseling at 2 a.m. No more laughs, no more tears, no more companionship. Hardship had found me once again. And the fear... it was overwhelming.

But as in all things, the grief passed and I was able to get out to try to develop new and lasting relationships. It didn't come so easy any more. Life has its way with you whether you like it or not, whether you admit it or not. Years of second guessing myself had left me torn and shattered. I had explored the world of ships for a very long time. The one I really wanted was courtship... yes even after the dictator. But that wouldn't come any time soon. There was another matter, a more pressing matter that needed tending.

I woke up one day and realized out of the blue that I needed to find God. I had been talking about Him for years. But I had no more connection to Him than I did the Pope. I wanted it, I needed it. But I just didn't know how. I decided to go church shopping.

I found the neatest little church. The people were nice and the services were uplifting. I raised my hands in praise and felt the touch of God Himself. I found what I had been seeking all along. But being the nomad that I am, I had more townships to explore and off I went.

I will never forget what I learned there. All ships matter. But the most glorious ship is worship of God. With that one ship I can attain all the others. I'm sure there are ships I have not found yet. There are some I wish never to return to. But fundamentally the two basic ships I need are the worship of God and good relationships. I am happy to announce I have both now.

Friendships abound. I am happy with my circle of support. And courtship has come calling too. I wonder what other ships await my discovery. This is my stark reality now... I am blessed.

So let us not be two ships who pass in the night. Stop by, have coffee and let's talk a while. Great adventures can be had amidst the ships. And this I know unwaveringly...

I am finally the captain of my own ship. My ship came in... and I wasn't at the airport!

The Ships Are Coming...

Counting Down

As winter approaches I find myself looking forward to the coming year. It holds promise and excitement. I am reminded of a story I was once told about feeling the excitement of the future. The future never held much hope for me at that time.

A wise friend told me that days were like pearls. One by one, she told me, I could string them together. And after a time I would hold in my hands a most precious necklace of pearls. I learned a great deal from her - my first mentor.

And now another great mentor has entered my life. I count down the days now until we actually meet, face to face. What seems like an unendurable length of time is getting shorter and shorter.

Count with me now... as I 'X' out the days until... The Meeting of the Minds...



Myspace Countdowns, Gemstones Countdowns at WishAFriend.com

Extra! Extra! Read All About It!

My friend has a theory about the mind. I've told him time and time again that mine is just a small mind. He still disagrees. (*smile)

Being well-versed in matters of the conscious and unconscious minds as a hypnotherapist, he described a little exercise for me to do. He told me a few things to preface the task that, at first, were confusing to me. No, I'm not blonde! I'm just a blonde wannabe.

And so I will share this activity with you today. I had stumbling blocks and reservations. I didn't even see any Indians either, although I must say that I've tripped over the blocks more than once. So I would like to share the information he gave me before I attempted to execute his plan.

First of all, the conscious and subconscious minds are at odds with each other in a struggle for power. The conscious mind is the decision maker and supposedly the seat of reason. It's happy being in a rut. It doesn't like a person to make waves in their life. It's very happy with the status quo. It abhors change and anything to do with it. It can and will make your life miserable if left to its own devices, especially if the information it has was flawed to begin with. It is very calculating and will do just about anything to keep things on an even keel so that things don't change. In its own mind, it is the adult in the relationship and thinks of itself as God, more or less. It certainly does NOT like being challenged in any way.

The unconscious mind, on the other hand, is like a child. In fact, it is estimated that the average 'age' of the subconscious mind is around five years old. If you have ever been around children, then you know how they love to please you. But as in all other types of paradox in life, it is the subconscious who really rules the mind. Its power is phenomenal. Its sole purpose it to make and keep you happy, unlike the critical and scrutinizing conscious mind. It is the part of the mind which helps you feel that feeling of well being - 'All is well in my world.' And that's all fine and dandy with the conscious mind as long as it isn't creating any waves.

Enter a dilemma... any dilemma... but for the purpose of this exercise and to use an example, I will tell you about my experience. I won't bore you with details. This exercise works with ANYthing, so you can fill in the blanks to suit yourself and your own personal dilemmas.

It was brought to my attention that I was, shall we say, less than positive about my outlook on life. My first reaction is that I was horrified. But as the shock began to subside, I noticed other thoughts. I don't know if this will sound like you, but this is what happened to me.

"What gives him the right to say that?'

"OMG, what if I can't change it?"

"I thought I 'fixed' that. What happens if I can't?"

"And if I can't, he won't talk to me any more."

And the list went on and on. Aside from the negative thinking itself, I was riddled with fears. It made no difference what those fears were. I had lived with them for so long I couldn't see an end to them.

Those thoughts I had were a product of the conscious mind leaping up to defend its space. No changes, remember? And it must have felt threatened somehow by the statement that I was giving off a negative aura. In rebuttal it poured all those thoughts into my mind in order to fend off any action on my part. I have come to lovingly call these thoughts Monkey Farts.

And although the monkey farts leap in, what is a person to do about them? You can push them away, ignore them, run from them, deny they exist and agonize from them.

OR... you can stand up face to face with them and fight!

What I had always done was brush those thoughts aside as if they didn't exist. Oh, I still knew they were there all right. I just told myself all along that I had won anyway. Talk about denial and illusion!

But this time was different. This time I would be given a tool to use to vanquish them and make them monkeys on the run. I could be in control of, not only those thoughts, but my life in general. Now THAT was a scary thought! I was assured it could and would work if I put forth the effort and kept due diligence. I thought about it. I had done more for less. I agreed to try it. What could it hurt? And as I had discovered in other times of my life, if at any time I didn't like what I was doing, I could go back to the old ways and my misery would be cheerfully refunded.

My friend explained to me that the conscious mind was like a sentinel. It guards information from leaking through to the subconscious mind. It deals with millions of bits of information in any given day. It calculates what was done in similar situations and makes decisions and passes them on to the subconscious to carry out. And although much information that could be passed is uplifting and positive and good for a person, it doesn't get through because, very simply, it would upset the apple cart and make changes that, quite frankly, the conscious mind does not want to deal with.

I was astounded. If its purpose was to protect me, how could it NOT let in the good stuff? Then I became angry. (But that was the just monkey farts throwing a brat attack.) Determined, and feeling betrayed by my own mind, I decided to go into it headlong and abandon myself to it. I felt like my life couldn't get any worse, so why not?

The exercise would bypass the conscious mind straight into the subconscious. I found that idea intriguing. "Tell me how.... NOW... Please!!!" Maybe this was the answer I had been searching for for so very long.

The first thing a person needs to do is decide what information needs to bypass the monkey fart zone. I kept it simple for myself. Knowing my own insecurities and feelings of unworthiness, I decided my statement would be, "I am a good person, I love myself, and people care about me." It was a throwback to another time in my life. But I had seen improvement then and hoped I would see it now. Once you choose the sentence for you, write it down on a piece of paper.

Then pick a newspaper, any newspaper. Get one with HUGE headlines. The exercise is three steps long.

Try to choose a time when you know you will not be interrupted. About 20 minutes will do it. Relax and try to empty your mind of the troubles of the day. Once you start and concentrate on the task at hand, those troubles won't matter for a few minutes.

Concentrate on the headline of the newspaper. Read it over and over and over, out loud. Read it for about 7-8 minutes. By this time it seems to have lost all meaning. The purpose of this part of the exercise it to distract the sentinel. Its job, remember, is to filter all information going in the subconscious. Reading the headline over and over and saying it out loud focuses its attention on the exercise.

Immediately, when you have finished this leg of the course, begin reading your statement over and over out loud for another 5-7 minutes. The conscious mind is on a short delay. The first couple of minutes it won't realize that you have introduced something new and will let it pass. By the time it realizes it, it will have already been installed in the subconscious mind.

When this part of the journey has ended, then you are to do this... it seems impossible, but trust me, it CAN be done... and with excellent results, I might add.

Go back to the newspaper once more. Right near the headline place the note paper with your statement on it. Now concentrate really hard on this part. Recite the headline out loud... BUT read the statement with your eyes. By this time the sentinel knows that something has gone wrong, but it is powerless to actually do anything. Focus on reading out loud and reading something different with your eyes... Like I said, IT CAN BE DONE!!!

Well over a year later now, I realize that one exercise opened up all manner of horizons that I didn't even know existed. I have used it time and time again for different dilemmas. I choose to believe I have control in my own life now rather than being at the mercy of Fate or worse. A person really can write their own story. The way is difficult but so much more rewarding.

I leave you now with two thoughts... the first (in red)... is the headline. Then my statement (in blue). If you concentrate, you can read them both at the same time. The color choice? Well, let's save that one for another time.