I've never had much of an affinity for the sea per se. I love the ocean, especially the breeze. It's calming, relaxing and cleansing. But being unable to swim, I've never given the ocean or ships much thought. I lived inland and only got to experience the ocean for a brief time. It was an instant love affair, one that would beckon to me to return. That hasn't happened yet.
So when Columbus Day rolled around and the local TV station was covering events and history of the holiday, I didn't pay much attention to the brouhaha. Christopher Columbus... yadda. The Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria... yadda. But however subtle the messages were, I found myself thinking, almost obsessing, about ships.
It's been a month for the urge inside to gel and ripen. Today I present to you my journey with the ships. My wish is that you never look at ships the same again.
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I might have been a normal kid. It's hard to know from this end. But growing up in the 50s was a blessing. I can see that ever so clearly now. Things were simpler then, slower. There weren't as many worries for kids then like there is now. I'm sure there was peer pressure. I just don't remember it being abnormal or outrageous like the stories I've heard about bullying, especially since the beginning of the Internet. No... it was a quiet time, a time where there was time. There was time to read and to play and to get all your work done too. It seems like there's no time left any more.
And like so many kids, I stuck my nose in a book and I was whisked off to grand adventures, tall tales and fantasy worlds. There was no gender discrepancies. Even though I was a girl (Ewwwwwww), I still read books like Treasure Island, The Mutiny on the Bounty and The Old Man and the Sea. I wasn't violating any 'boy code' by doing that. And I'd dare say I had as much fun and imagination as the rest of them did in doing so.
And when my head would fall upon my pillow, I dreamed of treasure ships and pirate ships and even airships. There was no limit to how I could dream. I suppose if I had grown up later starships, spaceships and the mother ship would have been included in the nightly dramas that unfolded in my sleep. But I had no taste for history so my imagination never leaned toward warships or battleships.
Just like any dreamer, I longed to be the captain of my own ship. I'd make those pirates walk the plank! There would be no mutiny on MY bounty. No, Sir! I would run a tight ship, a clean ship. You could shape up or ship out. And none of that cowardly crap either! I wouldn't stand for you deserting a sinking ship like a bunch of rats. (The rats always leave first... did you know that?) Nope, everything would be shipshape on MY decks. You'd better toe the line or jump ship now! And if the worst would happen, I would do the honorable thing and go down with the ship. Such visions I created on my pillow.
But in the here and now I see what ships have sailed and which ones sank. It is in that retrospect that I have come to know that ships are important to everyone whether they know it or not. For it is ships that mold our lives and help us to become who we were meant to be.
I see your eyebrow lift. I'll explain further.
As I look back now I realize that if I knew as a kid that ships would end up being so important, I might have paid more attention to them. But I was a kid doing kid things.
My first hurdle, my first ship, was penmanship. I wrote as if I knew what I was doing. In later years I would adapt to a more casual type of handwriting. I call it Art-Sloppo. These days you would never guess I had done it correctly at some point in my life.
As I traveled through school I was faced with other ships too. Sportsmanship, friendship and championships all became integral to my life and well being. They were lessons well learned to benefit me as I approached adulthood.
I'm sure other ships came and went during that time. One of the ones I remember the most is marksmanship. Not having a boy led my father to teach me how to hunt. I could nail a bottle cap from quite a distance. But I could never bring myself to actually shoot a living thing which brought great disappointment to my father. The last year of high school brought the largest ship I had ever known. I received a scholarship for academic performance. In a move I regretted for a very long time, I never used it.
I left home when I was 18. Until I was 35 my life held no ships. It was a time of chaos and uncertainty. It was the worst time of my life. It is only now... ?? years later that I have come to full understanding of the importance of ships.
My first stark brush with reality happened when I came to know that I was not in charge of the chairmanship of the universe. You could have knocked me over with a feather! Hardship had followed me for a very long time. And I was finally coming into my own as far as feeling secure in an insecure world. And now this?
I was a solitary person. I don't mean that in a bad way. It's just that relationships never worked out, not even friendships. What was I to do? And then magical things began to happen to me. In realizing that I didn't own the leadership of all that is, I could breathe a little easier and relax... and let my guard down for a while.
When I did that I found friendship... real friendship, not that saccharin-coated kind. Along the way one of those friends gave me a most precious gift. I had shared some ancient hurt and was feeling bad over resentful feelings. She went to my kitchen and got a wooden spoon. She stood face to face with me, lifted the spoon like some magic wand and proclaimed as she touched my head with it, "I now pronounce you Human!" What a concept! At that moment two more ships entered my life: citizenship and membership in the human race.
As time went on I discovered that to progress I needed ownership of my character defects. I wasn't too happy about that ship at all. My incompetence in the stewardship of my own life was evident it seemed to everyone but me. My friend's continued sponsorship and fellowship saw me through some very hard times. Her gentle coaxing and blatant truths kept me coming back for more. A kinship had developed and although no censorship was present I realized some things just weren't worth mentioning.
As I became more self-aware opportunities presented themselves. I faced life with a new gusto and determination. I believed there was nothing I couldn't do. On the wings of an angel I flew to heights I had never reached. Possessing the authorship of my own life was the greatest freedom I had ever known. I stepped out of myself and my own worries into an apprenticeship of sorts. I helped others, who like me, had been lost in the sea of their own regrets and insecurities. More partnerships were formed and life was good.
A sad day came when I needed to change townships. I believed it to be in my best interest to do so. Looking back, it was the worst decision I have ever made. On this day I have no regrets. It was all to learn a lesson. But during that time I regressed. I didn't go back to my old ways completely, but enough to cause damage that had to be addressed.
I got married. I thought it would be a bipartisanship but came to learn it was a dictatorship. Like the aforementioned rats, I jumped the sinking ship. I withdrew into myself and locked the door so completely it's a wonder I ever got out. My friend, my wonderful friend... she died. There would be no more counseling at 2 a.m. No more laughs, no more tears, no more companionship. Hardship had found me once again. And the fear... it was overwhelming.
But as in all things, the grief passed and I was able to get out to try to develop new and lasting relationships. It didn't come so easy any more. Life has its way with you whether you like it or not, whether you admit it or not. Years of second guessing myself had left me torn and shattered. I had explored the world of ships for a very long time. The one I really wanted was courtship... yes even after the dictator. But that wouldn't come any time soon. There was another matter, a more pressing matter that needed tending.
I woke up one day and realized out of the blue that I needed to find God. I had been talking about Him for years. But I had no more connection to Him than I did the Pope. I wanted it, I needed it. But I just didn't know how. I decided to go church shopping.
I found the neatest little church. The people were nice and the services were uplifting. I raised my hands in praise and felt the touch of God Himself. I found what I had been seeking all along. But being the nomad that I am, I had more townships to explore and off I went.
I will never forget what I learned there. All ships matter. But the most glorious ship is worship of God. With that one ship I can attain all the others. I'm sure there are ships I have not found yet. There are some I wish never to return to. But fundamentally the two basic ships I need are the worship of God and good relationships. I am happy to announce I have both now.
Friendships abound. I am happy with my circle of support. And courtship has come calling too. I wonder what other ships await my discovery. This is my stark reality now... I am blessed.
So let us not be two ships who pass in the night. Stop by, have coffee and let's talk a while. Great adventures can be had amidst the ships. And this I know unwaveringly...
I am finally the captain of my own ship. My ship came in... and I wasn't at the airport!
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