Twenty-five years ago when I was just a year sober, I had the opportunity to be at Red Donovan's house. Oh, he's not famous or anything like that. But in Alcoholics Anonymous circles he was quite the guy.
He had gotten sober about the time God was born. There wasn't a saying he couldn't quote or a thing he didn't know about staying sober. He was one of those rare people who actually walked the walk. He lived on an old dirt road in an 1800s farmhouse that he had restored. It sort of resembled an old hotel with its ten bedrooms and five bathrooms. The whole house was rustic in design and the great room had a hand-hewn flagstone fireplace which stretched from floor to ceiling.
The friendly and hospitable ambiance was only surpassed by Red's personality. A vibrant and likable soul, he welcomed everyone into his home. In everyday life he was the listener to hundreds of fourth steps written by those who would seek recovery in an alcohol ridden world. The step reads, "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." The following fifth step was what he felt his purpose in life was... "Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."
A non-judgmental and empathetic person, he opened the other nine bedrooms in his home to those who would come and work on their fourth steps. He knew that only in accomplishing this one step would a recovering alcoholic surely survive.
At any given time, his house was a flurry of activity filled with numerous people really intent on becoming well. There was also a regularly scheduled meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous every week, a step meeting. What else? It was very appropriately called the Last House on the Left meeting. It was one of only a few houses on the whole road. Yes, he was in the middle of God's country with the nearest hamlet being about 10 miles.
On holidays he sponsored what is called an Alkathon. It's a 24-hour meeting with one hour increments. Nonstop meetings to help an individual get through what could be very trying times. Holidays can produce emotions that sometimes the newcomer (or even old timer) has difficulty handling. And so there is respite in being in a community, a fellowship of people who have all gone down the same path.
I had heard Red speak at a workshop in June of 1985 at the AA's 50th International Convention in Montreal, Quebec. His opening statements stunned me, but at the same time, gripped me.
You had to be there to actually experience it and get the whole picture. He was a large, tall man. His once red hair was streaked with silver and strawberry blond now. His cheeks were very red on his fair skinned faced. And his voice was rasy. He approached the podium in his usual dress - striped bib conductor overalls. I always thought if he donned a red suit and a beard he would have made a wonderful Santa.
He identified himself and then went on with the following... "What is wrong with you people? Telling the newcomer to get into the steps, get into the steps! What a disservice you do to them when you tell them that." I was horrified. The Twelve Steps of AA have sobered up countless people. I was new, but I knew that couldn't be right. And then he continued... "You don't get into the steps. You let the steps get into YOU!" He now had my attention and I was smitten.
Whatever followed all made perfect sense. I was absolutely amazed by the way he presented his ideas. And I was thrilled when I discovered he lived less than 50 miles from me. Maybe I would get to see him again.
And see him I did several times over the summer. Turns out that my sponsor was a good friend of his and he being who he was, he informed her to show up and often and to bring 'that kid' with her.
Winters could be rough in western Massachusetts, but neither snow, nor cold, nor renegade reindeer could stop us from attending his Alkathon on New Year's Eve. A mile before his house the narrow dirt road was already lined on both sides with cars. We managed to find a place a little closer and trekked the rest of the way. It was around 3 pm when we finally arrived.
I didn't realize it but the festivities would be 48 hours in duration. New Year's Eve is known as Amateur Night in AA circles. Another hard time to get through for new people. So coupled with New Year's Day, the meetings would be back to back for 48 hours straight. People come and go... and end up staying sober despite temptations and hardships.
We were planning on staying only 3 or 4 hours, but as fate would have it my sponsor was asked to speak at a 10 pm meeting. Always the good example, and never saying no to AA, she agreed. She then volunteered me for the 11 o'clock slot. Thank you very much LOL.
We ate, we drank enough coffee for 20 people, and we listened and talked. It was the most wonderful New Year's I had ever spent. Just before the meeting I was assigned to, Red came around wishing everyone blessings for the New Year. He wasn't feeling well and was going to call it a night. But, he insisted, everything would go on like clockwork. I hugged him and told him I would see him soon and off he went to his room.
My meeting closed at midnight sharp and there was an hour pause for blessings and fellowship. My sponsor was exhausted. there was still the 50-mile trip home in the snow. I heard her making her goodbyes.
I crept up the stairs to Red's room and knocked very lightly. It seemed like I couldn't not do it. As always, I was greeted with a smile. "Come on over and sit down," he said as he patted the blanket on his bed. I sat and he grabbed my hand and held it. I thanked him for his gracious hospitality and told him we were going to have to head back. His eyes sparkled as his voice lowered and he asked, "You want to know a secret?" Who could say no?
He began to speak but it was just a whisper. I had to lean forward to hear him. "It is magical, isn't it?" he asked. I nodded, not quite knowing what he was referring to. "You just remember... It's been a good year so far."
For a moment I thought he might be coming out of a dream and not talking right. Or maybe it was senility setting in. But then I remembered who I was talking to and got closer.
The year was just minutes old. What could he be saying? He must have seen the questioning on my face. And still in a whisper he said, "But that's not the magical part. The magic comes when you can say the SAME thing at 11:59 pm on December 31st."
I have never forgotten those few moments with him. It would be the last time I ever saw him alive. A few months later he would be called home by the loving God he so proudly loved. He had just found out that he had cancer. He didn't even have time to make arrangements for treatment when God took him. I would like to believe that God is merciful and that he didn't let him suffer. He died peacefully in his sleep surrounded by people who loved him, the people he served.
I doubt the tiny hamlet has yet recovered. Rumor has it that more than 10,000 people showed up for his wake and funeral. I was honored to be one of the many. As I knelt at his coffin I cried tears of great sorrow for the man who had given so much to so many. I rose and kissed him on the forehead. As I did, I slid a paper into his coffin. The paper was enfolded around the only item of value that I owned - my one year medallion from AA. In the middle of it was the Roman numeral for one - I. He had taught me what that 'I' meant.
It was the 'I am responsible' pledge. "I am responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there. And for that, I am responsible."
Legend has it that there were two coffins buried in his grave. One held his body. The other was a child's coffin which held all the mementos left behind at the funeral home. I don't know if it's true. If it isn't, it should be.
And so another year passes and I get to think of my old friend who had such an impact on my life in such a short time. He walked the talk and made God proud. I can only aspire to such heights.
This year has been a winner. It has held more heartache and more crisis than I care to admit. I have felt bitter and disappointed, hurt and scared. I have felt like giving up and at the same time screaming my head off.
And yet...
I have grown more than in the ten previous years combined. I have moved closer to God than ever before. And I have accomplished great things (for me) that I never would have believed even a couple of years ago.
Red used to say that the philosophy of AA could be boiled down even further than the Twelve Steps. He believed it was six words... "Trust God, Clean House, Help Others."
Twenty-five years later, I have met his God and learned to love Him. I have cleaned my house and continue to clean it as necessary and make amends where and when needed. I am still human, after all, and I make mistakes. I help others when I can, but these days it's more a matter of just listening. But then, we all need that don't we?
So as the clock ticks and we inch ever closer to 2011, I would like to take this opportunity to reveal something very special to my heart. 2011 is only hours away now... it's waiting... all new and fresh and full of promise. But don't go forward without appreciating the past.
Come here... just a little closer... come on, I don't bite (much lol)... You want to know a secret? Pssst!!! I'm talking to YOU!!!
IT'S BEEN A GOOD YEAR SO FAR!!!
May the New Year fulfill all your dreams and bless you with kindness and love. See ya on the flip side!!!
Oh, and Red? I miss you. Just remember to save me one of the front seats at the Big Meeting in the Sky....
Happy New Year All... Love You MUCH...
